The Weak In Rock

So, Bobby Cox, the manager of the Atlanta Braves, is 1 ejection away from holding MLB’s all-time record for most career ejections at 131.  He’s currently tied with John McGraw.

I know some baseball fans who don’t like to see a manager get thrown out of a game.  They think it’s stupid and pointless and shows a lack of emotional control.  To them I say pish and tosh.  Managers get thrown out chiefly to either protect a player from being ejected or to defend the honor of a player.  While it actually serves no real purpose - getting pitched from a game - it sends a message to the players that you care.  And let’s face it, umpires are often just dead wrong and need to be called out on their crap.

The only complaint I ever have with a manager getting tossed from a game is if he goes quietly.  This is why I love Lou Pinella.  Sweet Lou never goes quietly.  He’s renowned for his dramatic exits - burying home plate, removing bases from the field, throwing his hat into the outfield (only to have it returned to him by a ball boy so that he can turn around and throw it into the outfield again).  Childish?  You bet, but baseball’s a kids’ game anyway.  Why not act like a big baby.  Besides, it’s entertaining as hell.

Bobby Cox is not, however, known for his dramatic exits.  He tends to yell at the ump at close range for awhile and then stalk off the diamond in a lather.  So, the folks at Deadspin have offered up some suggestions for ejection #132 to Bobby:

• Eschew the argument all together and take the field wearing a hat that reads, “UMP, YOU’RE A COCKSUCKER.”

• In a game where the Braves are having trouble hitting the opposing pitcher, handcuff yourself to said pitcher and swallow the key before proceeding with a tirade that ensures your ejection.

• Get a plastic blow-up doll, write “MRS. JOHN HIRSCHBECK” across her back with a black Sharpie, drag it out to the pitchers mound, and penetrate it with a Louisville Slugger.

• Hope that Barry Bonds eclipses Hank Aaron’s record in the Giants’ July 23-26th series against Atlanta, tackle Barry as he rounds third on the historic home run, and repeatedly punch him in the face and scream, “THIS IS FOR HANK!”

The last one is particularly brilliant.  I say go for it Bobby.

Technorati Tags: Bobby Cox, Atlanta Braves, MLB, John McGraw, Lou Pinella, JOHN HIRSCHBECK, Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron

Back when I played little league my team was sponsored by the local Catholic Church.  It may have seemed like a team sponsored by St. Albert’s Church would have an edge over the competition, what with Jebus on our side and all, but it really didn’t work out that way.  As I recall, we lost most of the time, usually in a humiliating fashion.

Seems we had it all wrong.  Instead of getting a franchisee of the Vicar of Christ to sponsor our team we should have gotten a metal band to get behind us.  This is, apparently, precisely what Gary Weight, the coach of a youth soccer team in North Hykeham, England did.  He approached Lemmy Kilmister or Motorhead to see if the band would sponsor his team.  Motorhead said yes and now the Lincolns of North Hykeham not only get to wear very cool and intimidating Motorhead logos on their uniforms, they get to take the field at each game to the strains of Ace Of Spades - undoubtedly the most bad-ass metal song ever written.

These 10 year old boys are no doubt going to scare the bejesus out of their opponents.  I know that when I was 10 if my team played a bunch of kids who ran onto the field screaming with Ace Of Spades blasting in the background that I’d have needed to change my shorts.

And just in case you need a refresher on just exactly how baddass Ace Of Spades is, have a look at this video clip.  If you can make marionettes rock, well, you truly have molten metal flowing through your veins.

Technorati Tags: Catholic Church, St. Albert’s Church, Vicar of Christ, youth soccer team, Lemmy Kilmister, Motorhead, Ace Of Spades, marionettes