Trudging through the swamp…

I’m going to lighten it up here a bit.  Lots of heavy stuff posted in the past few days, and then oddly enough, I look at my site stats and see that one of the most popular posts on this here site is my annual dress-down of the pop charts from 2004.  Hmmm.  Ok, time to rip some people a new one over things that, ultimately, just don’t matter.

Let’s have a look at the top 20 songs from 2012:

#20 – Drake (Featuring L’il Wayne) – The Motto

Well, this starts out well… if you want to spew some hate.  This isn’t even a song.  It’s a drum machine beat with a rudimentary rap over the top.  Seriously?  This is the 20th most popular song of the year?  Things are much worse in the music biz than I could have ever imagined.

#19 – Train – The Drive By

I’m so depressed that this… this, is the first entry by an actual band in the top 20.  Eegads, this is just awful.

#18 – Maroon 5 – One More Night

Ok, suddenly I don’t hate that Train song quite as much.  I am truly baffled as to why the massively auto-tuned Adam Levine is considered such a great singer that he gets to judge other aspiring singers on a TV gameshow about singing.  This song makes me want to punch random strangers in the nuts.

#17 – Flo Rida – Whistle

There are dumber songs than this that have become classics and enduring favorites.  All I can say is that I truly, deeply hope this song isn’t one of those.

#16 – Flo Rida – Good Feeling

Same artist, totally different song.  First song on this list I actually like.  It’s got an interesting groove and when Flo Rida starts rapping it’s got some power to it.  Works as the kind of song they play over the PA at big sporting events.

#15 – Katy Perry – Wide Awake

Ok, so I have a daughter, and she loves Firework, and because she loves it, I’ve grown to love it, and actually gotten to the point where I get misty-eyed whenever I hear it, so I can’t loathe Katy Perry the way I truly want to.  Still, this song is a turd.

#14 – fun – Some Nights

Paul Simon called and he’d like his royalties from Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard.

#13 – LMFAO – I’m Sexy & I Know It

Not #1?  Really?  Hear me out people.  Sure, this is a novelty song, that loses something if it’s not accompanied by the video, but it’s hilarious.  Trust me, this is the song people will remember when they try to think back to 2012.

#12 – Adele – Set Fire To The Rain

Ok, so she can sing, but she’s like the Smiths gone rabid.  I hear her songs and I want to hang myself.

#11 – Flo Rida – Wild Ones

Wow.  Three songs in the top 20 in one year.  I guess it’s official, 2012 was the year of Flo Rida, as far as pop music goes.  Congrats dude.  And no wonder this one is your highest chart position.  It’s your standard macho rapping fused with what sounds like an Adele song.  Makes me want to kill myself to a fresh beat.  Bleah.

#10 – One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful

Kiddie pop.  How do I know?  Because my 7 year old daughter sang this so much I had it committed to memory within weeks after it was released.  The lyrics confuse and disturb me though.  Apparently the thing that makes you most beautiful is that you have no idea that you are.  So, did girls all over the country who have an inkling that they might be beautiful become self-conscious because of this song?  It’s not awful, but I could do without it.

#9 – Nicki Minaj – Starships

This song is just a mess.  Catchy hook, but lyrically confusing and production that makes it seem like they were striving for something epic, and then it just turns into mayhem.

#8 – Rihanna – We Found Love

Lady, you’ve got a terrific voice, but wrapping it in the junk that this song represents is a huge waste of talent.  Anyone, and I mean literally anyone, can make a techno backing track that sounds like this.  Heck, GarageBand has pre-built junk that sounds more imaginative than this generic crap.  Find a songwriter to create actual music for you and your voice.

#7 – Kelly Clarkson – Stronger

This song is a great example of everything that’s wrong with the modern music business.  The melody of the song’s chorus is indistinguishable from a commercial jingle.  I feel like this was written to be in the background of a tampon ad.  Kelly’s another singer with a great voice who really needs to find better producers and real songwriters to pen songs for her to sing.  This is just crap.

#6 – The Wanted – Glad You Came

I’d be surprised if you came if you did it with these boys.  Seriously, this is just a horrible, horrible pseudo latin song that should be quickly forgotten.

#5 – Ellie Goulding – Lights

The first time I encountered this song was in a dance club and I was mesmerized by the music video that was on the screens around the room.  Not because it was particularly good, but because it was so amateurish.  I know people who have spent piles of money and effort to make videos that were miles beyond this one.  But OK, so it’s about the song, the the video, right.  So what the hell, man?  This song sounds like it dropped in out of 1982.  It’s all keyboard pads and stiff drum machine beats.  This is just weird.

#4 – Maroon 5 – Payphone

It’s Captain Auto-Tune again.  With a song about a technological anachronism.  Payphone?  Really?  What a maroon.

#3 – fun – We Are Young

Then why does this song sound so old and tired?  I sense a trend in the music of 2012 – it’s dismal.

#2 – Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

If you ignore how utterly ubiquitous this song was for so much of the year, it’s actually a pretty nifty little pop song.  And here’s the thing – in a year in which non-depressing songs were scarce, hurray for the blithely positive little tune.

#1 – Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know

First time I heard this, I thought it was a Police song, recorded in 1983 but unreleased until now.  Fascinating that quirky pop like this can still resonate with so many people.

So, there you have it.  the 20 most popular songs of 2012.  Let’s hope 2013 brings more fun and less dire pop.



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