The Weak In Rock

You know, I’ve about had it with this whole zombie trend.  If you hadn’t noticed, everything has zombies in it now.  I blame the success of two movies - Shaun of the Dead (which is actually pretty awesome) and 28 Days Later (which was just sort of freaky).

I think the trend has jumped the shark though folks, with this: Pride And Prejudice And Zombies .  Someone has taken the great Jane Austen novel and edited in sequences of zombie carnage.

Exactly what do you have to smoke to think this is a great way to spend your time as an author - rewriting a classic novel so that it includes incongruous bits of zombie violence?  Worse yet, you just know that book publishing is in big trouble when a project like this gets a green light.  On the one hand, I totally see it - the publisher doesn’t really have spend a lot to make this book happen.  90% of the story is written, has already been edited and proofread, so the advance to the author of the zombie bits isn’t going to be that much, and you can figure half your sales will come from whatever nitwits are currently fueling this zombie craze who will buy anything with the word zombie on the cover, and the other half is going to come from dimwits like me who love Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice and simply must see how dreadful the thing turned out.

Ah, there is nothing like art in an economic downturn.  But let’s just skip the whole publishing world right off, shall we?  Honestly, relatively few people actually buy books anyway.  Let’s go straight to the film remakes.  May I suggest:

When Harry Met Sally… And Zombies
Wherein our hero and heroine struggle through a friendship stretching back decades to when they first met after graduating from college when Sally gave Harry a ride home from campus… and they were attacked by zombies.  Trace our protagonists through their youth and growing friendship… and repeated zombie attacks.

or, how about…

My Dinner With Andre And Zombies
Join Wallace Shawn and Andre Gregory spend an evening sharing dinner, great conversation and… a battle for their lives against a rampaging horde of zombies!

or perhaps…

Saving Private Ryan And Zombies
See the D-Day landings as they’ve never been seen before, with scenes of battle so realistic and graphic you’ll think you were really there… especially when the hordes of Nazi zombies cascade onto the beaches to pick the bones of the fallen soldiers clean.

Ok.  That’s enough for one day. Any studios interested in pursuing productions of these films please feel free to mail your royalty checks to me.

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