A little more change…

Ok, so with the momentous inauguration of Barack Obama as the new President just hours away how do I observe it?  By being a smartassed wiseacre, of course.

Naturally, Deadspin beat me to it.  Here’s their list of the Top 10 Ways Sports Can Improve Over The Next Four Years:

1. All youth basketball players must be taught to play man-to-man defense. Zone defense to be banned at any level below college, and coaches must be trained in the fine, lost art of footwork, blocking out, man-ball vision and taking the charge. This will make America strong once again.

2. Dick Vitale, Billy Packer and Joe Buck to be set adrift in the Pacific in a dinghy with only a sextant and a jug of rum.

3. Excessive NFL celebrations not only allowed, but encouraged. And scored by the officials.

4. Soccer gets only a certain number of chances to catch on with Americans, like with Baseball Hall of Fame eligibility. One more shot in 2010, and if it doesn’t take, that’s it.

5. Curb on stadium financing; no more funding elaborate playgrounds for the rich with public money.

6. Creation of a Supreme Court for Athletics. Kige Ramsey is the first Chief Justice.

7. Brett Favre must vacillate on retirement for at least six more seasons. This will keep many newspapers in business and save thousands of jobs.

8. U.S. to withdraw all military from Middle East; invade nations only to stop bullfighting.

9. Wii Olympics to replace regular Olympics.

10. Al Davis to be handcuffed to Richard Simmons for one year for our amusement.

I especially like the last one.  I’d give that old coot about three minutes before even being in close proximity to Richard Simmons would cause him to keel over, thus ending all once and future Raider fans’ long nightmare.

I’m also very much in favor of #3.  I find it beyond absurd that showboating in the end zone is frowned upon as much as it is.  When T.O. called his mom from the end zone I thought it was one of the coolest things I’d ever seen any sports figure do.

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