The ancient Japanese secret to perfect health…

We were watching TV the other night and had a collective giggle fit over an ad for [tag]Kinoki footpads[/tag] – the pads that claim to leach toxic chemicals out of your body through your feet while you sleep.

To me it wasn’t funny because I couldn’t imagine anyone dumb enough to think these things actually work, let alone do much of anything at all. At the tender age of 41 I know all too well that there are not only lots of people out there stupid enough to buy this sort of snake oil, but that there are enough of them to justify spending thousands of dollars on a network TV ad spot in order to alert these ignorant masses of where to call to order these inane gauze pads with adhesive around the edges.

No, it was funny to me because were I to think up such huxterish [tag]flim flam[/tag] there’s no way I’d let the dopes who bought my snake oil get off so easy. In my book, if you’re a tragic nitwit you ought to really suffer for your nitwittery. Sticking pads on your feet ultimately just wastes a little of your time. If I were to sell a detox product it would come in the form of either a rectal or [tag]nasal tampon[/tag].

The chuckles from the rectal tampon are obvious. The nasal one would take some salesmanship. I’d design the product so that in order for the user to get the promised benefit, he or she would have to wear a pair of – let’s call them nasal pods – my nasal pods for 24 hours. After that you’d have health and happiness for all the rest of your days. And your coworkers and family would get some therapeutic gut busting laughs out of watching you walk around all day with two strings hanging out of your nose.

Thanks again to Boing Boing for the link.

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