Nitwits on parade…

Wow, they’re blooming this week.

First let’s address something that ought to seem obvious – becoming a professional competitive eater probably isn’t good for your health. [tag]Takeru Kobayashi[/tag] is apparently retiring from professional eating competition because he’s messed up his jaw muscles over the years by cramming 50+ hot dogs into his mouth in each competition.

See, I think it might have occurred to me that snarfing down hundreds of hot dogs a year might have some unpleasant long-term health impact. Probably would have led me to reconsider that particular career path.

Then we have [tag]Chris Allgier[/tag], a prison inmate who killed a prison guard while attempting to escape. Now I get not wanting to be in prison, and I even get resorting to desperate measures to get out, but let’s take a look at this guy:

Chris Allgier

Dood, if you’ve got tattoos all over your head and face, including a swastika right in the middle or your forehead, how the heck do you think you’re going to evade a police manhunt? It’s not like you can blend into the crowd and disappear. They’re not going to put some nondescript photo or artist’s rendering of your face on the news that no one can tell from any of a billion other guys your age and ethnic background. You’ve got a friggin’ swastika in the middle of your damn fool forehead. You’re going to get caught. Oh, and by the way, you shot a prison guard and killed him. If you thought prison was bad before…

Last but not least, let’s hear it for the biggest asshole and nitwit to ever serve as Vice President of the United States, [tag]Dick Cheney[/tag]. Dick, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. There can be no doubt whatever to your place in history now. You are the most arrogant, stupid and dangerous man to ever be a heartbeat from the Presidency – and this is saying a lot, since your predecessors include [tag]Dan Quayle[/tag], [tag]Richard Nixon[/tag] and [tag]Andrew Johnson[/tag], three of the biggest shitheads in the history of American politics.

How have you earned such a dubious honor, Dick? Through your pronouncement late last week that your office is not subject to a Presidential order requiring all members of the Executive Branch of our government reveal to the National Archives how many documents they are classifying each year. Your rationale – your office is not actually a part of the Executive Branch.

Ok, my dear readers, I’ll let those of you who paid attention in your high school civics classes take a deep breath and ponder this one. The Vice President claims that his office is not a part of the Executive Branch of the US Government. Neat. So, we must assume that Cheney believes he is his own special branch of the government, since he obviously cannot conclude that he is part of the Judiciary and his contempt for the Legislative Branch is well known, so he can’t mean that his office resides therein. This jackass apparently doesn’t think he even answers to the President. If I were George W. Bush I’d kick him in the nads.

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