Ejectoroony…

So, [tag]Bobby Cox[/tag], the manager of the [tag]Atlanta Braves[/tag], is 1 ejection away from holding [tag]MLB[/tag]’s all-time record for most career ejections at 131.  He’s currently tied with [tag]John McGraw[/tag].

I know some baseball fans who don’t like to see a manager get thrown out of a game.  They think it’s stupid and pointless and shows a lack of emotional control.  To them I say pish and tosh.  Managers get thrown out chiefly to either protect a player from being ejected or to defend the honor of a player.  While it actually serves no real purpose – getting pitched from a game – it sends a message to the players that you care.  And let’s face it, umpires are often just dead wrong and need to be called out on their crap.

The only complaint I ever have with a manager getting tossed from a game is if he goes quietly.  This is why I love [tag]Lou Pinella[/tag].  Sweet Lou never goes quietly.  He’s renowned for his dramatic exits – burying home plate, removing bases from the field, throwing his hat into the outfield (only to have it returned to him by a ball boy so that he can turn around and throw it into the outfield again).  Childish?  You bet, but baseball’s a kids’ game anyway.  Why not act like a big baby.  Besides, it’s entertaining as hell.

Bobby Cox is not, however, known for his dramatic exits.  He tends to yell at the ump at close range for awhile and then stalk off the diamond in a lather.  So, the folks at Deadspin have offered up some suggestions for ejection #132 to Bobby:

• Eschew the argument all together and take the field wearing a hat that reads, “UMP, YOU’RE A COCKSUCKER.”

• In a game where the Braves are having trouble hitting the opposing pitcher, handcuff yourself to said pitcher and swallow the key before proceeding with a tirade that ensures your ejection.

• Get a plastic blow-up doll, write “MRS. [tag]JOHN HIRSCHBECK[/tag]” across her back with a black Sharpie, drag it out to the pitchers mound, and penetrate it with a Louisville Slugger.

• Hope that [tag]Barry Bonds[/tag] eclipses [tag]Hank Aaron[/tag]’s record in the Giants’ July 23-26th series against Atlanta, tackle Barry as he rounds third on the historic home run, and repeatedly punch him in the face and scream, “THIS IS FOR HANK!”

The last one is particularly brilliant.  I say go for it Bobby.

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