You might be a Republican…

Here’s a list I came up with to respond to a Canadian friend’s honest question – “Why is anyone voting for George W. Bush anyway?” I rattled off some of the biggest reasons in my usual half-serious, half-flippant way.

  • Ronald Reagan “won” the Cold War
  • same sex marriage will bring a rain of heavenly retribution down upon us that will make Soddom and Gamorah look like a tea party
  • the end times are near, and Tim LaHaye’s “Left Behind” books accurately describe what the end times will look like
  • capitalism is inherently good
  • our national debt is caused by African American welfare mothers who keep having children so they can get bigger welfare checks
  • white makes right
  • the South will rise again
  • Bill Clinton was a bad President because he got a blowjob in the Oval Office from Monica Lewinsky
  • Hilary Clinton is a lesbian
  • Rudy Guliani is some kind of hero
  • Saddam Hussein planned and organized the 9/11/01 attacks
  • French people are cowards
  • Bill O’Reilly is the most honest person on TV
  • Friends was the funniest sitcom ever
  • drug addicts are dangerous criminals
  • owning a highpowered assault rifle is a Constitutionally protected right
  • any woman who has an abortion is a murderer
  • business in America is too greatly encumbered by taxes and regulations
  • school vouchers will fix 100% of the problems with our public schools
  • homosexuality is a disease and anyone who has HIV is being punished by God for their perverse sexuality
  • J. Edgar Hoover and Roy Cohn were heterosexual
  • Colin Powell is black
  • George W. Bush and Dick Cheney always tell the truth

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